For some reason grief always sneaks up on us, a natural process to loss – any kind of loss. Grief is the emotional suffering that you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. As you getting older each day, you have more opportunities to deal with grief due to the phenomenon of someone passing away.
Nonetheless, when the passing of a loved one strikes close to home, and particularly if it is your spouse or someone you were with every day, it will hits you “like a ton of bricks,” you will find yourself at a loss for how to correctly grieve about the loss.
Well, you might think it is odd that I used the phrase “correctly grieve”. Actually this phrase points out that not only is grief a normal part of life, it is a healthy mechanism to your minds and emotional system while processing loss. However, there is a correct way to grieve and an incorrect way as well.
When you first experience the loss, it hits hard. It’s natural to feel a sense of disorientation and an inability to feel or think at all for a while. That is because you have to go from a condition of having that loved one to not having them in a matter of moments. Even if the loved one was ill and near passing, the final news that he or she did pass away still has that shock to it. I experienced it by myself.
For each individual, the reaction to grief is different – sadness, anger, denial, depression and acceptance, someone called it the “stages of grief”, but I think they really are not the stages, because everybody doesn’t go through all of them every time they grieve.
Speak of that, have you meet anyone who has lost a loved one, but there have no tears on his/her face, and the person seems like unusually upbeat?
The person maybe very good in self-control, or he/she maybe able to accept the fact of the loss and treat it like it did not happen, or there are some other reasons behind. In one way, it is good (not stuck into the grief), but at an emotional level, it is might not that healthy to hold the tear inside.
How to get recover from the grief?
Preparation for grief is a good way to give yourself a roadmap to recovery. If you are reading this article with the purpose of preparing yourself for the time when it will come, that’s a good step because you are arming yourself with information which can be a life saver when it feels like grief is going to overwhelm you.
Talk to your loved one about the time when one of you will pass away (you may not want to read about this but it is the fact, no one can escape the death, every single person has to taste it). If your loved one is ill and will face that moment of passing soon, you can get some of the emotional processing out of the way early.
Give Yourself Permission to Grieve
In general, it’s not unmanly to cry or immature to feel sad or lonely without the one that passed. You are allowed to be in a grieving period for some weeks and months, so give yourself permission to come out of that state slowly and naturally, don’t force yourself.
Knowing the Stages and Write them Down
You need to know when you feel sad, depression, anger or denial, recognize what they are and take necessary actions to help yourself not to stall out.
Keeping a person diary, write down the feelings whenever you want, you can write is in the form of poetry, pouring your anger, sad, fear, heartache on to the pages. You can read back from time to time as well. Diary is a great way to help you find your strength back.
Grieving is important and you need to process it thoroughly so you can “get closure” about the loss. Once you can accept the loss and be at peace about it, you will move on to the next peaceful stage, when you are there, your grieving process has been a success and you will find yourself recovery from the grief.